I froze. My heart raced out of its cage and the saliva in my mouth departed to a land unknown. I peered at Eric as he stood few steps away from me and wondered if I knew him at all. My eyes reached for his soul, dissecting it in search of who he really was and what it
was he wanted from me. I got nothing. Absolutely nothing and that got me worried and pensive.
“This is not happening again Eric. What just happened between us this night was a mistake and it is not happening again,” I was scared, scared of blackmail. With his unperturbed looks, I feared he would use that to turn me into his slave, a sex slave that has no choice but to spread his legs whenever he wanted it.
“I can’t tell you yes or no,” he slurred. “But…”
“But what?” I interjected.
“You don’t want to involve Frank or Ken in this, do you?” he asked.
“Are you trying to blackmail me?” I asked, not willing to tell him that Frank already knew who I was.
“Not yet,” he smiled. “But if you don’t listen to me or do what I want, I might do that.
I gaped. The blanket and the pillow in my hands slipped. My eyes rolled up and down, fluttering in hope of waking up and being told all that was a dream; a nightmare narrowly escaped. Tears gathered again; the tears that dried up minutes ago following my regained courage.
He closed up the gap between us. Took my shaky hands in his and looked into my tearful eyes.
“I only want one thing Thony,” he said, caressing my hands.
It was irritating, disgusting, what he was doing to my hand. I wanted to yell at him to stop. I wanted to withdraw my hands. I wanted to step back to halt my nose from inhaling his onetime fresh breath which was now churning my stomach. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk letting my secret out because of a five minutes caress. So I stood, like a log of wood, devoid of every emotion, peering at his face yet seeing nothing but shadows.
“I want us to talk; I want us to be able to talk about this weird feeling. I want us to help each other fight it. I want to have a friend who understands what I am passing through, who I can be myself without someone judging me. Please Thony, just be that friend,” he paused.
I fluttered my eyes and looked at him. His eyes were dented with tears, tears that I tagged unreal, for all he said sounded like a perfectly rehearsed movie script to me. But yet, I have to play my own part, if I want my secret to remain a secret.
“And you will not tell Frank or Ken or anybody?” I asked.
I bent slowly and withdrew my hands from his. Picked the blanket and the pillow and throwing them on the bed, I sat on the bed. He joined me; leaving a space between us, which to me was the wisest thing he has ever down.
“So?” I voiced, avoiding his stare.
“I am sorry this happened. I am sorry I pulled you down from your high horse. I was drunk and my other side took charge of me.”
“Your other side?” I asked. “What other side?” I turned and stared at him.
He sighed. And for once, he took his eyes away from me. It was soothing as I relaxed. His lips were shivering like a leaf ready to fall off its branch. He opened and closed his mouth several times, like his larynx was under attack.
“What other side Eric?” I asked again.
“The side that made us do what we just did,” he let out suddenly that I couldn’t get all he said. But putting one or two together, I understood what he meant. I chuckled in disbelief. He should not draw pity from me by trying to be like me, by acting like he feels what I feel, by pretending to know what it means to be gay in the world where you are viewed as an atrocity.
“Don’t mock me Eric,” I said. “Yes, we had sex but that doesn’t mean we are alike,”
“How else do you explain that?” he jumped in. “Which straight guy seduces another guy into having sex with him? If at all I was lying, aren’t the seduction supposed to be done by you? Bu I did it because I want it. Because I have seen your bare body so many times and it resurrected in me the feeling which I struggled so much to bury years ago.”
“You are a Casanova Eric,” I said. “Everything in skirt appeals to you. Whatever you think you feel towards me is that one percent feeling every guy has, that adventurous feeling which makes every guy want to try gay sex once in a while. You are not gay.”
“Yes you are right, I am not gay, I am bisexual,” he said. “I love girls, and I love guy also, romantically and sexually, even more than I love girls.” He paused, his eyes away from me again. From his side, I could see his lips shudder.
“My first sexual experience was with a guy I was dating,” he threw in, sending my emotions on a shocking race.
“What?” I bellowed.
“I broke up with him when I gained admission and to fill his gap, I decided to be having sex with girls at any slightest chance. I built up my relationship with girl, created a fake profile to you, Ken and Frank. Everyone thinks I am a play boy but I am just trying to keep the feeling for guys buried.”
“I can’t believe this!” I muttered.
“Not your fault if you can’t believe me, but I know what I am saying and I know it’s true.” He paused. “After my experience with Joy, I decided to stay low for some time, with the hope that my sexcapades will keep me on check for some time. But whatever happened between you and Frank made me your roommate. And then you started acting all nice towards me, even when we weren’t that close. I started seeing some cuteness in you, every day I would sit in this bed, imagining my hands all over your body. I started loving you Thony and before I could say shit, all the feelings were resurrected, with full force.”
“Wait!” I hushed him. Of the entire long story he was spurning out, the only thing I wanted to hear was how he knew I was gay, how he knew I would fall if he tried. What did I do that gave him the impression that I am gay? I needed to know, I needed to be sure that I have not unknowingly betrayed myself in front of Ken and maybe my course mates.
“You have no girlfriend,” he answered.
“That is not an excuse. There are many straight guys who have never dated any girl. So what was it?”
He stalled, his fist wrapped into another as he avoided my gaze.
“Eric,” I called. “You said you wanted a friend, a friend you could trust. I can’t be that friend or trust you if you can’t tell me the truth. We need to be sincere to each other for such relationship to work otherwise…”
“It was Ahmed!” he cut in.
“Ahmed told me that you both had a long history. When I pressured he told me the truth. He said he got the clinic job only to get you back and promised to give me a huge sum of money if I could help him actualize that. I didn’t doubt the story because of how you have always being about girls. So I put one or two together and…”
“Ahmed told you this and…”
“I was never going to get you too together. I was never going to take his money. I love you Thony, not sexually, I love you as a person. You being in this school for years and yet not having sex with any guy is something I am thrilled about, and that is why I so much wanted this friendship, so you can teach me how to control this feeling, how to live as gay yet responsible.”
“How much did Ahmed promise you?” I asked.
Eric was shocked. That was the least of the question he was expecting. I saw the shock on his face and that made me to even emphasize the question again.
“Why are you asking me that?” he asked
“Because we are going to use that money to have our graduation party,” I smirked.
“What?!” he yelled in whisper.
“You are going to play along with him, collect the money and then block his number from your phone and if he asks you about the deal, threaten him with police.”
“That is scamming Thony, it is evil.”
“Which is more evil, his plans or mine?”
He smirked, and came closer to me. For the first time that night, his closeness to me was warming, appealing and loving. I enjoyed and when he took my hands in his, I felt all my nerve stood in a welcoming psalm. My blood rushed towards my manhood, showing its hospitable nature. It was a great feeling but I controlled it because I was not going to have sex with him again, at least not that night.
“I will do anything for you,” he said, his hands rubbing mine.
“Do not seduce me again,” I said.
“I promise I won’t!” he replied, smiling.
I smiled back, threw myself into his arms and he held me tight. Even when I wanted to go, he didn’t let me.
“It’s just a hug Thony,” he said. “Enjoy it.”
I smiled, and pressed his body harder against mine.
…the story continues….