Like it is popularly said, hours ran into days, days into weeks and everybody seemed to have moved on with their lives except me. I watched my closest friends and roommates, Ken, Frank and the self baptised one who went from Paul to Eric manifest in their actions and words the normality of life and all I could do was emotionlessly tag along. I was disturbed for the uncompleted discussion I had with Eric weeks ago. Nothing would bring me more peace than hearing what he has to say about Ahmed, though he seemed not to have anything to say because every time I brought it up, he either shut me off or accuse me of overreacting.
The trio has just finished drinking to their satisfaction which left them in that thin line between drunk and sober before the movie we had set alarm for started to show. Our attention got stolen by the movie as we have read its review. I looked at their unintended acts and words which they strive so hard to control and envision myself being the only person to see the ending of the movie. Few minutes gone and my vision came to be; they all slept. I sat at one end of the sofa studying them with utmost attention as they nod their head at interval. Frank would scratch his eyes with his left hand like it was peppered. Ken who was sitting on the floor has his head on couch, eye closed up at the ceiling. Eric was on the floor beside me, his half shut eyes on the television. I waved my fingers across his face and he didn’t bulge. I couldn’t stop wondering why someone would keep drinking even when he knew his sight was getting foggy and his head light. I chuckled and continued enjoying my movie.
After sometime, the movie came to an end and they were all deep in slumber. I turned off the television and was startled by the snoring sound emanating from the room like it was a mechanic workshop. I couldn’t believe my ears. All the while I thought it was the movie’s sound track. It was cracky and corse like a frog in a dirty pond which took me back to the movie I just watched; a little boy was scared of frog because of the creepy sounds they make. I traced the sound and it was Eric and Ken. I was shocked as I wondered if that was how their nights always were. I thought for a while; they have done me so wrong in that house and that was my only time for sweet and cool revenge. I raced off into the room as a thought crawled into my head. After some time, I emerged with a red and blue marker. With a wild and wicked grin I made a crazy drawing of long and bold tribal marks on their faces using the blue maker. Then I painted their lips with the red marker, turned off the light and went to bed.
It was six in the morning; I was on my knees for my morning devotion when I started hearing a knock on the door. It was so calm and gentle like the person didn’t want to hurt the door’s feelings. I ignored and continued my prayer. I wouldn’t want anything to come in between my conversations with my God; my mum had told me that thousand times. After sometime, the knocking became severe and loud. And then I heard the key jingle in the door knob. A creek sound suggested to me that the door has opened. The next thing I heard was a scream. I smiled in distraction and quickly rounded off my prayers, headed to the bathroom and locked the door as I knew my evil deeds have started showing off.
“Oh! Joy! I didn’t know you are back. When did you…” Eric’s croaky voice ranged.
“Joy!” I amazed. Eric was in for a trouble because if she could just come back and the only place she thought of going, very early in the morning was to him, then she has fallen in love with he who has vowed to celibate.
“What happened to your face?” She interrupted. “God! You are scaring me!” She shouted again.
“What is it? What’s wrong? What are shouting?” Eric asked in confusion. “Please Come inside.”
There was a strange quietness. I sat at the toilet sit canvassing my mind on what could be going on. Maybe he has seen his face or Joy has made peace with what she saw. I inhaled and smiled at my undiluted sense of prank. I made to open the door and then a louder scream came, followed by a fast and swift crank of the door and then a loud jam.
“Who the hell was that?” Ken roared.
His innocently but angry question was answered by Eric’s loud laughter.
There was this satisfied feeling in me. I could go days with no food for having sent them into such confusion and commotion. I quietly sat down comfortably on the toilet sit, waiting for the whole dram to evolve.
“Dude look at your face?” Eric jeered. “You look like a Yoruba witch.”
“Are you talking about my face or your own, because your is worse than what you just described.” Ken protested.
“What?” Eric halted. He suddenly realized the cause of Joy’s initial scream when he opened the door for him. “Are you saying…”
“Yes. But I wouldn’t say a Yoruba witch because you look worse.”
“That is your face Ken. So don’t try to turn the table at me.”
“Wait, I will show you a mirror.”
I heard footsteps and my laughter slowly became uncontrollable. The desired effect was building up and I couldn’t help but feel proud for myself.
“Don’t bother, there is a phone here.” Eric intoned. “So you don’t go in and come out clean.”
All I could hear were creeks, ruffles and footsteps that were pounding in my head and heart like a hammer on top a nail. My heart raced off its cage and with my hand on my chest I hoped to restrain it from jumping out. My breathing has increased as I anticipated what their reaction would be. My mouth was ajar to help support my nose in supplying air to my system as I was suffocating in fearful excitement.
“Oh God!” Ken yelled. “I am so gonna kill Thony.”
Eric laughed hilariously. I quickly checked the inside lock of the toilet door, it was on lock. I nodded and waited for the next one.
“What are you doing? Delete those pictures.” Ken yelled at Eric. “This is not funny.”
I got confused. Ken must be up to something crueler than what I did, because they all have same marks, so if Ken wasn’t defending himself with that, then I was in for more drama. I relaxed. I was not going to allow my inner thoughts distract me from the enjoying the show.
“Give me that phone! Stupid!” Ken yelled.
“Aww! Do not break my finger?” Eric retorted in agony. “What are you doing?” he quickly asked. “Well you got nothing on me.”
“Really?” Eric rhetorically asked. “Maybe you should see this.”
“Evil child!” I laughed quietly. My ribs were aching for having suppressed laughter that long. I let it go, like a shower turned on it flew out of me, laughter, giggles and chuckles all in one.
“Jesus!” Eric shockingly voiced. “This is why Joy ran away in terror.”
“Was that Joy?” Ken asked in shock.
“Which Joy?” Frank’s voice came up. He was just waking up and the whole drama and noise were a bit confusing to him. “You mean she…”
The duo teamed up and sent him into a more dazzling situation with their hilarious laughter.
“What is wrong with you both? What’s that drawing on your faces? Will you stop flashing that camera light please!” he threw out all at once in the quest to quench his curious thirst.
“Take a look.” Eric said.
“Thony did this right?”
“Who else and somebody should tell him he is a dead man.” Ken said.
I heard footsteps approaching the room in a rush. The Trojans have just climbed down their horse and were heading to make their kills.
“Where the hell is he?” Frank yelled as they broke into the room. “You better hide well because if I get you, you are a dead man.”
I couldn’t stop laughing even when I know they came for me. It was like a fun killing; a domestic adventure, like I am experiencing a horror film only that I already know the ending. I was not scared of whatever they planned to do with me because I have perfectly achieved my desired effect and even more through Joy.
…the story continues….
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